Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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