need another drink. this is the easiest way
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
