so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
