Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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