Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
