i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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