Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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