I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
