I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
