great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
