I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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