youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
