I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
