I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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