God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
