youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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