This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
