hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
As shirtless as possible
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
