Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
