That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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