I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
