I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
