Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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