every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
