I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
