puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
