ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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