Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
