I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
