Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
