i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
