he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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