I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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