i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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