Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
