he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
