im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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