i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
