I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
