I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
