either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
