Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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