I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
