"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
