I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
