There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
