People in love make me want to vomit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
