maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
