Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
