I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
