how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
