Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
